James Dobson's parenting advice has been priceless to us and other parents wanting to raise godly children over the years. While his "Focus on the Family" ministry has probably saved many parents from giving up on their strong-willed children, I was more interested in what he had to say about the compliant child. Wearing a smug smile about Julie, our sweet daughter who put her heart into pleasing us, I dove into one of his books expecting congratulations on our marvelous parenting and predictions of smooth sailing for her future but came up gasping in shock and hit my knees praying.
I learned that while strong-willed children spark large-scale prayer meetings when they live at home they also succeed in the world because they're strong-willed. Surprisingly, Dobson said parents should be more concerned about their compliant children who tend to let others take charge and make all their decisions for them. Compliant children often cave to peer pressure and end up in unhealthy or abusive relationships because they don't want to rock the boat. At best, they become passive people who float through life in whichever way others bump them.
That's not the life I wanted for Julie but I could see how it could happen and it scared me to my knees. Julie wanted to please us to the point she wouldn't choose a restaurant for fear of choosing one we wouldn't like. When she voluntarily tried spinach every time it was on the table I became alarmed. The problem wasn't that she was/is a pleaser but in who she chose to please. Tom and I were only qualified to lead her to a certain point in life but could either of us, or both of us together, be trusted with her future? Did we really know what was best for her as so many parents claim to know? Did I want the responsibility for making every decision for her life? No, no, and definitely, no.
A new era dawned in our home, thanks to Dobson's warning. We started teaching Decision Making 101 and took every opportunity to let Julie make her own decisions. She hated it and sometimes we discovered she could be strong-willed about NOT making decisions. We had to guard ourselves from letting our thoughts slip out because she would default to pleasing us instead of thinking through other options. Sometimes she wore us out with her compliance!
The good news is that her personality and what God calls us to do fit hand in glove. We can't be overly-compliant or too-trusting when it comes to pleasing God. Whatever pleases Him is and always will be best for us. He teaches us to make godly decisions on the big issues by providing tons of opportunities to make small decisions each day. Yes, I long for billboards and yes, I wish the Bible had specific answers for my every question, but what God provides is even better: His perfect knowledge, His constant Presence, His trustworthy love, and His willingness to lead us along paths strewn with delightful rewards. For our part, we're simply called to enjoy His Presence and learn how delightful it is to delight ourselves in Him.
Abba-Father, I give my life to You again today. Move in me and stir me to know You better today than I did yesterday. Guide my heart to commune with Yours and my will to be in compliance with Yours. You're perfectly qualified to take complete charge of anything we face. Teach us to please You and lead us in every decision. You'll never direct us down the wrong path. I trust You and surrender my will to Yours.
In the name of Jesus who lived to please You
"The One who sent Me is with Me; He has not left Me alone, for I always do what pleases Him." John 8:29
"By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that he exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." Hebrews 11:5-6
"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
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