"Math" is a four-letter word I use only when under extreme stress. I was an "A" student until one fateful day in fifth grade when fractions showed up in our happy classroom to destroy any illusions of future academic perfection. The world as I knew it crumbled when the teacher I trusted tried to convince me that one whole piece of pie now had several aliases, depending on how many pieces of pie came out of the pie pan. In this new communist regime where **** ruled, all pieces of pie were cut into perfect clones of one another; there were no bigger pieces to fight for or little pieces to call "slivers" or "bites." From that day on, "****" became my personal enemy and a menace to my previously idyllic school life. At first I tried ignoring it away like a bully who couldn't get a response, but it continued to mock me into corners I couldn't escape. My pride kept me from asking for too much help because I was in a special class where children weren't supposed to need much help. In fact, I was a reading tutor for first graders. However, as the **** problems increased in difficulty so did my "****" anxiety. I learned to adapt by doing homework with a friend who seemed undaunted by all the pieces of pie on the page. In spite of my efforts, **** pummeled me until I cried "uncle." My hand stayed in the air during class for help and the teacher wore a path in the wooden floor from her desk to mine. I learned to memorize the steps and rules but never comprehended why you turned fractions upside down for some problems but not for others. All the way through the remainder (did I just use a **** word??) of my public school education and even through the one college m---, ahem, arithmetic class I HAD to take in college, I adapted and coped to get a good grade before the tests. However, unreasonable teachers made me take the tests alone and my "lack of understanding" became obvious, toppling my grade. **** problems!
I thought my days of battling math and feeling inadequate were history, then I had children and my old enemy came after them. You can call me names and hurt my feelings - but DON'T MESS WITH MY KIDS! Now, I'm Nick's best friend when he has **** homework. I understand exactly what seems ridiculous to him. I know that glazed look and I feel his pain. For Julie and for him, I let my own wall down and managed to lower my anxiety level. Math is no longer my personal enemy. I've even come to its defense a few times, touting its necessity to getting a bargain or . . . well, that's the only example I can think of right now, but you understand that I now see how math occasionally comes in handy.
I guess you could say I've learned a lot from math that had nothing to do with numbers. Most of the problems God allows into our lives come down to this same idea: It's not about solving the problem but about what we're learning in the duration and struggle. Problems change their names but we grow and change with each challenge when we stop treating the surface problem as Public Enemy #1 and start looking for how God's using the problem to make deep and lasting changes in us. I wasn't thankful for math classes but struggling with this subject year after year made me a more compassionate friend, tutor and teacher. I didn't enjoy having to ask for help but God knew my pride meant I needed to learn to ask for help - from Him and from other people. In heaven, I'll be another Einstein but for now, I'm thankful for all the people who can configure, reconfigure,give precise answers, tell the difference between Trig and Calculus, and excel in Probabilities and Statistics. I do a little dance when I balance my checking account since God's still using those **** problems to keep me humble and dependent on Him!
Teacher, Rabbi, Lord - Your syllabus seems impossible but You will never leave or forsake us and You equip us to please You. You encourage us to ask for help - any and all the time. Thank You that life is about more than solving problems. Give us patience with ourselves and compassion on those who struggle with what seems simple to us. Provide who and what we need to learn what You're teaching us. We want to absorb Your Spirit and draw on Your Strength so keep us from developing anxieties and trust issues. You are God and You only allow into our lives what perfects and polishes our long-term usefulness in Your kingdom. Thank You for counting us as worth all the patience and effort we require from You.
"Although the LORD gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:20-21
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