The Real Zapper

"The way a sinful person thinks leads to death.

But the mind controlled by the Spirit brings life and peace."

Romans 8:6

     Yesterday, I heard my co-worker and friend, Valarie, laughing at something on her computer. Not wanting to miss out, I turned to read about a man who bought his wife the anniversary gift every wife needs: a taser gun to protect herself. Please read his story for yourself (minus a few choice words I felt would be innappropriate for the purpose of this blog): 

What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety and every woman needs something to protect herself with, right??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of the microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in the other. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.  Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it dummy,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!  If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.'

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor..


Funny stuff, when it's about tasers, but I couldn't help applyng this story to sin.  Pride convinces us we can handle a "one second burst" of sin, remain in complete control, get over it, ask forgiveness, then move on as if it never happened.  However, many sins need only that one zap to take hold, lodge deep, and begin destruction.  Sin begins by disorienting us from Truth before dragging us down, down, down. 

It's the oldest story around: Good people make stupid mistakes. Godly people sin. God's people think they're safe enough to dally in the occasional "one second burst" of sin.  And before we know it, we're in a fetal position on the floor begging for mercy.

But here's the real zapper: 
     Even when we willfully do stupid things we know will bring no good;
          Even when we're lying in a painful heap of self-destruction;
               Even while we're paying deserved consequences for chosen sin;
                    Even when we refused the way out He provided;
God, Who is Love, is with us - not to say "I told you so," but to strenthen us in the safety of His Presence, to hold us as we pay the consequences, to bring us back into fellowship with Him, to bind our wounds, to forgive us, and to place us gently back on the Spirit path of peace and life.  We, like Peter who denied the Lord, need only to go to Him.  Or, we can foolishly keep zapping the life out of ourselves.

"God is our place of safety. He gives us strength. He is always there to help us in times of trouble.  The earth may fall apart. The mountains may fall into the middle of the sea. But we will not be afraid."  Psalm 46:1-2

Lord, God, we don't deserve Your great love when we're making right choices - but for You to love us when we're flailing in the sin we've chosen - God, we're humbled under the floorboards!  To be Love, to love us as You do and when You do is beyond our understanding. We're eager to point out others' mistakes and faults.  We nod self-righteously as others pay their consequences. Our pride leads us to overestimate our own willpower and to push wrong buttons we're sure we can handle.  Lord, forgive us and thank You for forgiving us time and again every day. Thank You for all the times You've called us and we've listened and avoided pain.  Thank You for the "way out" You provide for every temptation.  Thank You for the path of the Spirit that leads to life and peace. Help us see sin in its ugly fullness.  
In the Name of Jesus Who died for sinners, even as they spit in His Face

The Month Between

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." 

Ephesians 1:18-19

Christmas is now 11 months away (I heard that sigh!). 

When I was a little girl, Christmas always seemed to be 11 months away, until Thanksgiving, when the promise of Christmas began fulfilling itself.  Lists, lights popping on here and there in the city, gifts displayed behind glass store windows, and  televised Christmas specials all pointed to nail-biting arrival of Christmas.  Finally, about a week before Christmas the tree went up and our hopes soared that the day was really, truly and finally arriving.

All this Spirit of the Season began in earnest at Thanksgiving, launched at a dinner table stacked high with our favorite foods and encircled by familiar faces.  Our gratitude for God's blessings opened the gate to the true Spirit of Christmas, the blessings of giving and receiving.  The month between Thanksgiving and Christmas was filled with giving to charities, missions, and to families who had less than we did.  

Then, in the blink it took for one year to transform into a new one, January hit like an Arctic blast of reality until February brought the warm fuzzies of Valentine's day. 

Christ's return is closer than ever before, although it may seem like ages away.  We're living in the month between Thanksgiving and His return.  Today we can choose to look at what we have, not at what we want. Today we can choose to minimize our needs and maximize our blessings; to consider what and how we'll give rather than what we want or need.  Gratitude begets giving and giving begets joy. 

While I've re-stored the holiday decorations in the attic, I'm calling on the "surpassing greatness of His (God's) power"  to leave the joy and generosity of the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas shining in my heart and our home until Christ returns for the greatest gift-opening ceremony of eternity.  I
  

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory 

that far outweighs them all. 

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, 

since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

2nd Corinthians 4:17-18

Father, show us how to give like Christ gave, in Your will and power.  Open our eyes to see our "momentary troubles" compared to eternity.  Mold our hearts to be generous.  May we not store Your Spirit with the manger scene. Empower us to let You live through us day by day, moment by moment.   Thank You for every blessing this day has brought and will bring.  Blue skies and sunshine between the gray days - that's what today has brought.  Food in the fridge, health in the body, family in the home or at the other end of the phone call, friends we can depend on, income with which to honor You, love in every direction, opportunities to grow in You, mustard seeds of faith You'll water, and joy in Your Presence wherever we are.  

In the Name of Jesus, our Gift, the Gift above all others!  Come soon, Lord Jesus! 

Barefoot Souls

I love this lady and am humbled she loves me
- toenails and all!

     Delana Barber of Daphne, Alabama, psychology teacher and pastor's wife, is known for saying off-the-wall things that take people by surprise. She likes to shake things up. For instance, she's known to say, "I love your toenails, girl." (She's known for a lot more than that, but that's what I can quote in this blog.) The first time she told me this I felt both disgusted and comforted: disgusted at the shape of my toenails yet comforted that someone would love me in spite of them. After all, we can't feel truly free with someone when we have to hide our flaws.

     The two verses from "Jesus Calling" today prove God loves us down to our toenails, regardless of their condition. The verses also contrast how the same holy God worked in the soles of Old Testament faithfuls with how He works in the souls of believers today. 

To Moses:
 “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals. The place you are standing on is holy ground.”  Exodus 3:5

As Moses stared into the burning bush on the back forty acres of the desert, God told him to remove his shoes and bare his soles. Later Moses climbed Mount Sinai and walked through camp to the tabernacle to spend time in God's shining Presence.  His soles revealed how much time he spent in the Presence of God.

But to believers in Corinth Paul wrote:
"Don’t you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit? The Spirit is in you. You have received Him from God. You do not belong to yourselves."  1 Corinthians 6:19

      Moses walked to and from God's Presence, removing his shoes to show reverence and to symbolize that nothing stood between him and his God.  However, souls don't wear shoes so there's nothing between us and God's Spirit. He resides on the fertile ground of our belief. We live with His Spirit burning in us, burning away darkness and shining through us to bring others into His Light.
       When we accept Christ as our Savior, there's no stepping into or out of God's Spirit. We carry Him - His shining Presence - in us and become His burning bushes, His Mt. Sinais, His tabernacles, His lions' dens, His fiery furnaces, His still small voices, His messengers, His prophets, His temples, His lights on dark hillsides, His salt to preserve and to add flavor, His shining stars, His upper rooms, His prison dungeons, His platforms and microphones. We become whatever He calls us to be wherever He can use us to reveal Him to the world. With God in us, it's our souls, not our soles that reveal how much time we spend in His Presence.

Father, You alone know how to shine best through each of us today. Thank Your for taking up residence in such humble homes. Just as Jesus was born in the manger, You choose to dwell in our dusty souls.  Please, transform us into whatever - whoever - will best reveal You to people who need You.  Thank You that we can't hide anything from You. Fill us with the joy of knowing we live barefoot before You: known for who we are and loved down to our toenails.  

In the Name of Jesus Who washed the dusty feet of His disciples  

Friday, January 14, 2011 - Buzzard Love

     Nick was two when a young French woman named Sandrine and her four-year-old daughter, Margo, came into our lives for three months. Her family moved from harbor to harbor throughout the world as her husband installed electrical systems in ships. When she arrived on the Eastern Shore of Mobile, Alabama, she spoke no English and I was called in to translate at the church. We became friends and our friendship opened my eyes to the ocean of differences between our cultures, beliefs and even our view of simple things. For instance, one day we took our little ones to the zoo. When we stopped at the buzzard exhibit,  I saw two large, gawky birds and was quickly ready to move on to more attractive animals. After all, buzzards? The name says it all - ugly, hovering, noisy. One of the birds sat motionless and the other paced around the cage with the awkward gait of an animal whose head is entirely too small for its body. I've seen animals that are so ugly they're cute, but there was nothing cute about these two. I started to move on when I noticed Sandrine's fascination with the animals. Her eyes sparkled mischievously and her mouth twitched as she tried not to laugh. I looked back at the birds to see what I had missed but saw only that the pacing bird had spread his wings a bit. When I looked back at Sandrine questioningly she whispered in French, "He's showing her how handsome and strong he is." Sure enough, when I looked back at the two birds I saw Romeo wooing his Juliet, in spite of her lack of options since he was the only other bird in the cage. He strutted before her and displayed his wing span to prove he could protect her and their offspring. He called to her with a mixture of loud and soft gobbling sounds, telling her he chose her again today and hoped she would choose him. I had almost missed the love story playing out in front of me because I was looking at outward appearance and lack of grace. I walked away from the exhibit amazed and amused at the gentle, universal ritual of choosing, calling, and wooing throughout the earth. Leave it to the French to find a love story among buzzards! 
     The Bible provides one example after another of God choosing and using people who would have been voted "least likely to succeed." He told Samuel to stop thinking skin-deep as the prophet/priest waded through the sons of Jesse to find God's chosen king of Israel.  

"But the LORD said to Samuel,the LORD does not look at the things man looks at. 

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

 1 Samuel 16:7 

     God wooed the grieving and worried Isaiah with a vision of Himself in His glory. He touched Isaiah's heart with forgiveness and cleansing, and with the blessing of hearing His invitation to join Him in calling others to repent and join the family. Isaiah volunteered, because it was beyond him to ignore such a display of love and assurance of God's Strength.

"Then I heard the voice of the LORD saying,

'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?'"

And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'"

Isaiah 6:8

     Christ chooses us to be His bride though our sins are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6).  He woos us with His Love, Peace and Joy and He designed creation to display His Glory and Power. He didn't choose us because we're cute or qualified. He sings His love song to us in spite of the fact that we're unloving and unlovable. He assures us of His eternal love though we're unfaithful to the only God in the universe. I don't want to take a Love like His for granted. 

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, 

neither angels nor demons, 

neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers, 

neither height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God 

that is in Christ Jesus our LORD." 

Romans 8:38-39

Sweet, loving Jesus, You've chosen us to be Your bride. How amazing and amusing is that? What an incongruous match made in heaven! You could have perfection yet You choose to love us with Your transforming love. Help us become the bride You envision. May we live to love You. Ignite our hearts with the desire to return to You every drop of love You pour out on us. We want to live out our part of the love story. Forgive us when we take You for granted and fail to respond to Your calls. 
In the name of Jesus Who held nothing back in His love for His chosen ones!